- Take a long walk. Notice your breathing.
- Try to embrace your anger or hurt. Pretend it is a baby. Hold it in your arms, and ask it what it needs from you. Be a mommy or daddy to your baby emotion, crying out for your help.
- Recall the incident(s) & the person(s) who need forgiving: how you felt, what you were wearing, what the weather was like, the location, exactly what was said, any other sensations, such as sounds, smells, sights.
- While describing what happened, use “I” messages, i.e., When they (the actor) did (action), I felt ________________.
- Make sure you can find the precise language for your feelings: Betrayed, ashamed, hurt, embarrassed, defeated, angry.
- Take some time to see your enemy as a five-year-old child. Think of some words to describe them, such as innocent, tender, vulnerable.
- Take some time to see yourself as a five-year-old child. Think of some words to describe yourself, such as sweet,
8. Separate the action from the actor.
9. List those traits, interests, etc., you have in common with your enemy. How do the two of you intersect?
10. Honor your enemies; they are your teachers.